Where to find yourself

If not, you may need to forcibly set boundaries and find time to be alone. One of the most effective ways of mentally and emotionally purging is through journaling. Also, drawing is another good method. Begin by vomiting all that you feel onto a page. Let it run free and get as explicit as you like. What dominant emotions come through? Just give it your best shot. We all have wants and desires, but needs are different. One great way of pinpointing your core needs is by focusing on areas of life that make you feel miserable.

In what parts of life are you the unhappiest? To find yourself, you need to go back to basics. You need to shed all of the superficial wants and desires that cloud your mind and rediscover the gold that is buried within you. Consider how rare it is for us to make a meaningful, sustained observation of our likes and dislikes.

Of course, we routinely complain, grasp, go along, fight— but we rarely ask ourselves, in a protracted and serious way: What would create purpose or contentment for me? What would I really like to be doing right now—and in whose company? We seldom ask, with deadly seriousness, who we want as intimates; where we physically and morally wish to dwell; and what we want to do with ourselves. Stephen has a point: how often do you think about what YOU really want in life? Forget about what your parents want.

Forget about what your friends, partner, colleagues, or society wants: what do you want? I know it may sound a little harsh, but you need to ignore everyone else and listen to that little voice within. So take some time to dive deep and introspect. If you could do whatever you want, without consequences, how would you live your life? Then, from there, make the appropriate compromises i.

When we practice self-sovereignty we realize that no one else is responsible for living our lives but us. We realize that no one else can dictate what we should do but us. To be self-sovereign means to step into the role of King or Queen of your life. Instead of seeking validation and approval from others like a beggar, you turn inwards and find that acceptance within yourself. To realize that you have the right and responsibility to be self-sovereign is a simple mindset shift that can create massive, unfathomably intense ripples of change in your life.

But keep at it! The zest and spark of life emerge when you know what your personal mission is — and to find that, you need to do some inner and sometimes outer exploration. Why not start with this article on the meaning of life and see where it takes you? You have the right to find yourself, be yourself, and walk a path that is true to yourself.

And what will they bring to your life? Make an inventory of all the people and commitments in your life right now. Next to each, weigh up the pros and cons. Do they enrich your life or impoverish it? Try to find friends and commitments that honor your right to be self-sovereign.

As spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz writes :. Of course, any time we try to be what we are not, we fail. I used to pretend that I was very happy and very strong and very important. Living that way is truly a deep hell. You can never be what you are not, and that is the main point. There is no need to justify what we are.

There is no need to work hard to become what we are not. At the core of the quest of finding yourself is being yourself. In theory, that sounds simple. As mentioned previously in this article, we live in a fractured society that is designed to program us with self-doubt, toxic shame , and insecurity.

There is so much noise around and within us that we easily lose touch with the voice of our souls, with our True Nature , and mistake our ego-selves for our authentic selves. To reconnect with your spiritual center — whether you call that your soul, your higher self , your spirit guide , inner genius, or whatever — make some conscious and intentional time to explore what spirituality means for you.

Examples might include lighting a candle, burning incense, doing yoga, watching the sunrise, meditating, praying , keeping a gratitude journal, and so on. Your wildness is what is true to you. And yes, even the idea of wildness can be a suffocating label that we try to fit ourselves into — even wildness can become a marketing ploy.

So cut through that crap and get to the juicy core. As Mark Nepo writes :. Despite the seeming rewards of compliance, our souls grow weary by engaging in activities that are inherently against their nature. One of the best ways to reconnect with your wildness is to tune into your energy. What makes you feel drained, depleted, dull, and dry? On the other hand, pay attention to what fills you with joy, excitement, fizziness, and passion. Martinez says.

Abrell says. To be fair, Dr. It may help if you prepare yourself emotionally before you interact with family. It can be as simple as taking a new class at the gym or consciously exploring restaurants and neighborhoods outside of your go-tos. And, bonus, this can also help time slow down from its rapid-fire pace. You experience things differently when you do them on your own, and that can help you tap deeper into who you are as a person, Dr.

To be clear, if you tend to surround yourself with people, you might feel a little uncomfortable at first if you take yourself out to dinner or venture on a solo trip. But doing so gets easier each time you do it—and it can ultimately help you on your journey toward self-discovery.

Carter says. When you do this, challenge yourself to keep your phone away a common distracting tool and just enjoy being with your own thoughts. You may not realize where you truly stand on certain issues until you challenge yourself to spend real time thinking on them. Martinez recommends doing this by noticing your gut reaction to controversial topics.

Then mull over these things: What do you get really fired up about? What deeply tugs at your heartstrings? And, of course, once you know what your core values are, you can make sure that you act in a way that reflects and honors them.

Everybody has these, and kicking yours once and for all can help you align your life more closely with your values, Dr. Give these people space and compassion; they may come around in time. If they don't, leave them be.

You don't need them to be you. Abandon the negative. Although it sounds abstract, it's not difficult. Make a conscious effort to minimize judging — others, objects, and yourself.

This is for two reasons: 1 Positivity is nourishing and can usher in a sense of happiness which being "lost" masks, and 2 Opening your mind to new experiences and new people that you previously wrote off will show you a whole new world that may be better than the one you knew before — one where you can find your corner of the sky, your castle on a cloud, your niche in this crazy world.

Try to do something every day that you would've brushed off as "weird," "illogical," or just plain "uncomfortable". Getting out of your zone will not only teach you something, but it will force you to get to know you — what you're capable of, what you like, what you definitely don't like, and what you were previously missing. Question yourself.

Ask yourself difficult and far-reaching questions, and record your answers. Beyond your time spent in solitude, it's easy for these purposeful thoughts to slip to the back of your mind and be forgotten.

If you have them written down, then every time you reflect , you can review your notes and take it a step further, instead of answering the same questions all over again. Keep them in a notebook that's easy to access and update; it will be a source of sustenance for you, by which you can continue to measure your growth through life. Here are some to get you started: "If I had all the resources in the world — if I didn't need to make money — what would I be doing with my life and why?

Don't hold back. Would you regret never having asked that person out, even if it meant risking rejection? Would you regret not spending enough time with your family when you could? Would you regret keeping your unique view of society to yourself by not sharing with friends? This question can be really difficult. Accepting towards few?

Don't be afraid to choose words that are considered negative because that proves you're a real person, and not a lopsided combination of parts other people want to be known for. Sometimes the traits that you don't like become useful in emergency situations — like being bossy. Sometimes they are valuable to the job you're meant to perform — like being nitpicky.

If you do have a truly negative trait, acknowledging it openly can give you the motivation to work on redirecting that energy to something positive. Try channelling that bad habit and into a hobby. Don't wash your clothes much? Try camping — maybe you'll like it. Even something like pole dancing could be your golden ticket! Know you're lazy with certain tasks? Maybe you can lead yourself to find another task that hardly ever bores you.

It should be one you continue to ask yourself throughout your life. A healthy person continues to reinvent themselves throughout their life. By asking this question regularly, it updates your understanding of who you are and how you change. Instead of answering who you think you ought to be, keep it focused on who you actually are, because in all likelihood that's a very good answer, warts and all. Part 4. Act upon — and use — your newly discovered knowledge.

Pick up those watercolors. Write a short story. Plan a trip to Mombasa. Have dinner with a family member. Start cracking jokes. Open up. Tell the truth. Whatever it is that you've decided you want to be or do, start being and doing it now.

You may shake your head and come up with excuses such as "no time," "no money," "family responsibilities," etc. Instead of using these as excuses, start planning around the hurdles in your life. You can free up time, find money , and get a break from duties if you make time how to plan and find the courage to ask for these things.

Sometimes, the real you is too afraid to face the practicalities because it'd mean facing up to what you've limited yourself by. Start planning what you really want to do and investigating what needs to be done to get you to that point instead of flinging excuses at them, stopping the goals and dreams dead in their tracks. Be ready for dead ends. Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. A lot of it is trial and error. That's the price you pay in return for the satisfaction you receive: More often than not, you hit a bump in the road, and sometimes you fall flat on your face.

Be prepared to understand and accept that this is a part of the process, and commit to getting right back up and starting over. It's not going to be easy — it never has been for anybody — but if you learn to see that as a chance to prove how much you want to find yourself, then you'll find fulfillment and security in your pursuit.

When you know yourself, most people will respect you more and treat you kindly. Best of all, your light will shine on both you and others, making them and you feel even more certain about your sense of self.

Serve others. Mahatma Gandhi once said that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. Service to other people and to the community is the ultimate way to find purpose and a sense of your place in the world.

When you see how hard life can be for those in greater need than you, it's often a wake-up call that puts your own worries, concerns, and issues into perspective. It helps you to see what you do have, and the opportunities you've been able to seize through life. That can fuel a great sense of self because suddenly everything can fall into place for you and you realize what matters most.

Try it. You'll like it. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. By using this service, some information may be shared with YouTube. Don't be afraid to sleep on it. There's no hurry in making decisions, and you'll be more likely to make good ones if your mind is calm and rested. Helpful 14 Not Helpful 0.

Make sure no one influences who you are; by all means listen to others and learn from them but let the final choices, decisions, and acceptances be your own.

If you simply capitulate to what others think, it will make finding yourself even harder since people are influencing who you think you are. Helpful 11 Not Helpful 0. On your journey you sometimes will need to cry.

It's healthy to let it out. Try not to judge yourself when you don't see positive results immediately. Persistence is key especially when things start to feel difficult. Helpful 16 Not Helpful 2. You know you're close when you are relaxed with or immersed in something. Sometimes there are no aha moments. Helpful 12 Not Helpful 1. Helpful 14 Not Helpful 2.

Don't let others determine who you are or what you do in life. It's your life not theirs. Your opinion is the only one that really matters in the end anyway. Helpful 6 Not Helpful 0. Be the best that you can be. Being yourself is the best you can be. Know that. Step out of your comfort zone sometimes. Take note of how you adjust outside of your comfort zone and you will notice things about yourself you never did before.

Helpful 7 Not Helpful 1. Be forgiving in the hope that others may forgive you. Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0. Even though you should follow your own path, a part of respect is listening to what others have to say. Everyone deserves to have their opinion heard. You wouldn't want someone to ignore you when you have their best interest at heart, would you? Helpful 3 Not Helpful 0.

Never just blindly follow what you hear. Think about it and draw your own conclusions. Remember that it's your life, and anyone trying to control it is either jealous or insecure about their own. Remember as much as you might not know yourself, sometimes other people will. Ask your close friends for advice about you, for they know more about you, than you sometimes.

Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0. Resist the urge to feel like you're the only one going through this.